Will someone please tell me how to be a SAHM??

You know.. a Stay At Home Mom. SAHM. But I am also a Work at Home Mom? A Stay at home Housekeeper? A Stay at home Dog Groomer? A Stay At Home Chef? Well.. I can take back the Chef part because that's something I DO NOT do. Apparently, everything I cook is not healthy enough. I use too much butter....? Eh. Whatev. Anyhow.. Will someone please teach me how to be these things? Because I never in a million years thought that being a stay at home anything would be something that I'd be totally lost in.

My entire life, and I'm talking my ENTIRE life here people, I have been a CLEAN FREAK. Ask anyone of my friends. Ask my mom, who used to love my assistance when it came time to fold the laundry (my favorite were towels), who never once had to ask me to clean my room or to organize the books on my bookshelf from tallest to shortest.. which I did, when I was like 8. Ask my bestest friend J Mo this question and she will be the first to tell you about our "play dates" in grammar school.. which were really cleaning dates because all I wanted to do was clean her room.. seriously.. a disaster that room was... sorry Mo.. you and I both know it was. Ask my friend Torrey, who used to skip Mr. Barko's 3rd period Spanish class with me just to drive to the car vacuum place just so I could vacuum the floors in my Honda Civic. Okay now you get the point, but what has happened to that girl!? Where did the clean freak go?? Because she is gone people. She's outta here. Seeeeeee ya.

My house is ridiculous. No one ever tells you about this part of being a SAHM. My house has been completely taken over by not only baby stuff, baby toys, baby everything, but wedding stuff as well along with my need to HOARD everything I can. Our little 1100 square foot condo is now a storage unit with some sofas and a bed. Its awful. I am constantly stepping over, around, pushing aside, falling on top of, stubbing my little baby toe on (which I did today...) things that I don't even know what to do with anymore. Our poor dog is in a small little area of the house/storage facility and he gets no roaming room. Its suuuucccchhhh a bad set up. But what to do? Where to put it? I mean, I've got a problem. I'll admit it. I like Target. I like Goodwill. I like any building that has anything to do with consignments. I LOVE me some Marshalls and Home Goods... and I will lay it all out there.. I AM A HOARDER. So I know my love of these stores and my problem with compulsive shopping/hoarding has led me to where I am today.. an over crowded-over furnished-over used-over stuffed condo. But what to do??

Everywhere I turn there is chaos. Total chaos. The clothes in my dresser drawers aren't even folded. what the..??!! My car has officially become "one of those mom cars" you know the kind... where it looks like a tornado just ripped through it. My son's nursery has become the catch all for just about everything. I just can't seem to pull it together. I am so far from being the clean freak that I once was that I don't know if our house will ever be clean again. The clothes in my dressers never folded again.. the socks will never find their matches again.

I have tried a cleaning schedule. That didn't work.
I have tried staying up late to clean. That didn't work.
I have tried just staying away from home finding every excuse not to be there so I don't have to look at the mess, but eventually I have to come back. So that didn't work.

I need some help here people. I need to get my clean on. Being a SAHM/WAHM is so difficult!